Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
