For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
