Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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