I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
