Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
