Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
