I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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