I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
