Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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