I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
