I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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