Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
