i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
