When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
