It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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