can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
