totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
