what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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