Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
