last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
