She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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