She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
