i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.