Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..