tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
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they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
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I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?