Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...