1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.