do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on