Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
