12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
