Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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