Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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