you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
