I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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