Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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