i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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