actually, I'm a sock model
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
