cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
