I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
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So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize