I think i sorta joined a cult last night
no, he came in my armpit
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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