I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
