i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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