im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
