So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
