We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
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We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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