i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
