I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
