your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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