I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
