I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
