Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
