Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
