If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
