I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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