Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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