This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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