So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
