What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't turn off my feet"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
