we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
