apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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