i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
