I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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