HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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