paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
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Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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