remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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