I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
